New pages
From Joke5.co.uk
29 August 2025
- 16:0216:02, 29 August 2025 Ex marine working as a teacher (hist | edit) [800 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: 29th August 2025 Spotted on FB </pre> A former Marine Corps Sergeant took a job as a high school teacher. Right before the school year started, he injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast under his shirt. The students didn’t know. On the first day, he walked into the noisiest, rowdiest class in the school - the kind that eats new teachers alive. The kids, knowing he was a former Marine, were already planning to test him. The Sergeant calmly open...")
- 16:0116:01, 29 August 2025 What is your favourite animal (hist | edit) [1,217 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: 26th August 2025 Spotted on FB </pre> Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ... very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and b...") originally created as "What is your favourite animal?"
28 August 2025
- 22:0122:01, 28 August 2025 How to keep a healthy level of insanity and drive other people insane (hist | edit) [1,824 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: 03-04-2003 Posted to Boards.ie by Dempsey </pre> <ol> <li>At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. <li>Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) <li>Insist that your e mail address be: 'xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com' or 'Elvis-the-king@companyname.com' <li>Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. <li>Encourage your colleagues to join...")
23 August 2025
- 20:1820:18, 23 August 2025 The dog and the lion (hist | edit) [854 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: 23rd August 2025 Spotted on FB </pre> A lost dog strays into the jungle. A lion spots him and thinks, "Hmm ... I have never seen this creature before, but he looks edible." The lion charges toward him. The dog panics, then notices some bones nearby. Thinking quickly, he shouts loudly: "Wow, that was some good lion meat!" The lion freezes. "Whoa! This guy’s tougher than he looks. Better get out of here while I can." Up in the tree, a monkey saw the whol...")
19 August 2025
- 07:2907:29, 19 August 2025 Cheap clothes from the UK (hist | edit) [1,001 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 19 Aug 2025 Spotted on FB </pre> Two Irish lads are strolling down a street in Liverpool, England, when they spot a shop window that reads: "Suits £10, Jackets £7.50, Trousers and Dresses £5.00." One turns to the other and says, "Would ya look at those feckin' prices? We could buy a boatload, haul it back to Ireland, and make a fortune — double, maybe even treble the money!" The other lad says, "That’s a grand idea, but d’ya think they’ll s...")
27 July 2025
- 12:0512:05, 27 July 2025 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar (hist | edit) [632 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sun, 02 Oct 1994 From: Brian Cyr / S29208%MOTHER@UTRCGW.UTC.COM </pre> A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: <p> Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."<br> Bartender: "What is a B and C?".<br> Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."<br> Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."<br> Bartender: "What's a G and T?"<br> Redhead: "Gin and tonic."<br> Blonde: "I'll have a 15."<br> Bartender: "What's a 15?"<br> Blonde: "7 and 7" <hr> <i>7&7 is ba...")
- 12:0112:01, 27 July 2025 What's the difference between a Blonde and a lightbulb (hist | edit) [306 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sun, 02 Oct 1994 From: Brian Cyr / S29208%MOTHER@UTRCGW.UTC.COM </pre> Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a lightbulb? <br> A: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on. Category:Blonde Jokes Category:Lightbulb Jokes Category:Jokes from 1994") originally created as "What's the difference between a Blonde and a lightbulb?"
- 11:5911:59, 27 July 2025 How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb (hist | edit) [855 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sat, 02 Mar 1996 From: Rhiannon Walker / rhiannon@COUGAR.MULTILINE.COM.AU / Starchild </pre> Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? <p> A: Four hundred and sixty-two: <ul> <li>twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, <li>twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry, <li>sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D, <li>thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs, <li>fi...") originally created as "How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
- 11:5011:50, 27 July 2025 Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist (hist | edit) [302 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 From: JokeCenter / http://www.jokecenter.com/ </pre> Q. What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common? <br> A. They both have the same middle name — <b>THE</b> Category:Religion Jokes Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Puns and Wordplay Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 11:4311:43, 27 July 2025 Old Lady at the grocery store (hist | edit) [406 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 From: Les Pourciau / Pourciau@MEMPHIS.EDU </pre> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. <p> She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" <p> The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." </p> Category:Dark Humor Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 11:4111:41, 27 July 2025 Mice in a cave (hist | edit) [611 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 20 Jan 1998 From: Jim Mica / jmica@oa.ithaca.edu </pre> <i>Bill Stains (noted folksinger and songwriter) tells this one:</i> <hr> Two mice are being chased across a field by a wolf. <p> They duck into a small space between a couple of rocks and find themselves in a large cave. As their eyes get used to the dim light one of them looks up at the high ceiling and sees that it's covered with bats. <p> He tugs on his companion's shoulder and says, "Look! A...")
- 11:3811:38, 27 July 2025 Science facts about reindeer (hist | edit) [831 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2000 From: Maurizio Mariotti / mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA </pre> <p> According to the Alaska Department of Fish & Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females that do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring....")
- 10:3710:37, 27 July 2025 A Very Special Rat (hist | edit) [1,335 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 12 Mar 2025 From: FaceBook </pre> A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender shrugs, "Sure, why not?" The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out ... a tiny rat. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles. Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink. After...")
19 July 2025
- 15:5415:54, 19 July 2025 A Political Christmas Greeting (hist | edit) [680 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Wed, 20 Dec 2000 From: Les Pourciau at UMem / POURCIAU@LATTE.MEMPHIS.EDU </pre> <i>A Christmas card sent from a Democrat to his Republican Friend:</i> <p> The election is over, the results are known,<br> the will of the people has clearly been shown. <p> Let's forget the quarrels and show by our deeds,<br> we will give our leader all the help that he needs. <p> So let's all get together, and let bitterness pass,<br> I'll hug your elephant and you kiss my ass...")
- 15:4215:42, 19 July 2025 How can you tell if an elephant has crawled under the bed during the night (hist | edit) [408 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 31 Mar 1995 From: Piotr Plebaniak / PLEBAN@PLEARN.EDU.PL </pre> Q: How can you tell if an elephant has crawled under the bed during the night?<br> A: You are currently having an intimate relationship with the ceiling. Category:Clean Jokes Category:Animal Jokes Category:Elephant Jokes Category:Jokes from 1995 Category:Question and Answer Jokes Category:Short Jokes") originally created as "How can you tell if an elephant has crawled under the bed during the night?"
- 15:4015:40, 19 July 2025 How can you tell if there is an elephant in bed with you (hist | edit) [355 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 31 Mar 1995 From: Piotr Plebaniak / PLEBAN@PLEARN.EDU.PL </pre> Q: How can you tell if there is an elephant in bed with you?<br> A: By the giant "E" on its pyjamas. Category:Clean Jokes Category:Animal Jokes Category:Elephant Jokes Category:Jokes from 1995 Category:Question and Answer Jokes Category:Short Jokes") originally created as "How can you tell if there is an elephant in bed with you?"
- 15:3815:38, 19 July 2025 Elephants come over the hill (hist | edit) [498 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 31 Mar 1995 From: Piotr Plebaniak / PLEBAN@PLEARN.EDU.PL </pre> Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill?<br> A: Look, here comes the elephants! <p> Q: What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill wearing sunglasses?<br> A: Nothing — she didn't recognize them. Category:Clean Jokes Category:Animal Jokes Category:Elephant Jokes Category:Jokes from 1995 Category:Question and Answer Jokes [...")
- 15:3715:37, 19 July 2025 Why do elephants travel in herds (hist | edit) [371 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 31 Mar 1995 From: Piotr Plebaniak / PLEBAN@PLEARN.EDU.PL </pre> <p> Q: Why do elephants travel in herds?<br> A: Because if they traveled in flocks they might be mistaken for sheep. Category:Clean Jokes Category:Animal Jokes Category:Elephant Jokes Category:Jokes from 1995 Category:Question and Answer Jokes Category:Short Jokes") originally created as "Why do elephants travel in herds?"
- 15:3315:33, 19 July 2025 Big Gray Elephant (hist | edit) [325 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1992 From: (unknown) </pre> <p> Q: What's the difference between a flea and an elephant? <br> A: An elephant can have fleas but a flea can't have elephants. Category:Clean Jokes Category:Animal Jokes Category:Elephant Jokes Category:Question and Answer Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 15:1215:12, 19 July 2025 Mr. Hans Olaffsen (hist | edit) [1,149 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 2 Jan 2001 From: Rose Vos / Belllfem@AOL.COM </pre> <p> Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry." <p> "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How does that fit in here?" <p> So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaff...")
5 July 2025
- 16:3816:38, 5 July 2025 Political Computer Virus Alert (hist | edit) [1,402 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sun, 06 Nov 1994 From: John Marra Naturalized Yooper / S20D@NMU.EDU </pre> <ul> <li><b>George Bush Virus</b> - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.<br><br> <li><b>Ted Kennedy Virus</b> - Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.<br><br> <li><b>Warren Commission Virus</b> - Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.<br><br> <li><b>Jerry Brown Virus</b> - Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.<br><br> <...")
28 June 2025
- 01:3901:39, 28 June 2025 Bill Clinton at a baseball game (hist | edit) [832 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 20 Aug 1993 From: Arthur Emerson III / ae3@CTS1.MSMC.EDU </pre> <i>(A joke that I heard on the radio this morning.)</i> <hr> President Clinton and his family went out one evening to a baseball game. When the home team's catcher heard that the president was sitting in the stands, he went over to Bill and whispered something in his ear. <p> Bill smiled and nodded. A few minutes later, the catcher came over and said "It's time, Mr. President." <p> Bill lif...")
- 01:3101:31, 28 June 2025 What kind of unredwear politicians have (hist | edit) [687 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sun, 04 Aug 1996 From: Eric Clark / klucko@COMPUMEDIA.COM </pre> Many of us have heard the story of the time in 1992 when Clinton went on MTV and some girl asked him "America is <i>_dying_</i> to know: "Is it boxers, or briefs?"" <p> The candidate then feigned embarrassment and said "Boxers." <p> In 1995, some guy decided to ask Speaker Newt the same question. Newt appropriately answered back "That was a stupid question." <p> This year, someone decided tha...") originally created as "What kind of unredwear politicians have?"
25 June 2025
- 09:1009:10, 25 June 2025 Bathroom problems (hist | edit) [208 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0909:09, 25 June 2025 Drive to work is never perfect (hist | edit) [206 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you end up at work. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0809:08, 25 June 2025 Man got bit by a stray rabid dog (hist | edit) [438 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writhing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite." Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Medical Jokes Category:People Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0709:07, 25 June 2025 Shotgun with a broken firing pin (hist | edit) [263 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin? It won't work and you can't fire it. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Political Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0609:06, 25 June 2025 The Blonde and the honest mechanic (hist | edit) [303 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> Blondie told her friend: "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid." Category:Blonde Jokes Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0409:04, 25 June 2025 Americans are getting stronger (hist | edit) [302 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today - a five-year-old can do it. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:People Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0309:03, 25 June 2025 Definition of a husband (hist | edit) [257 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:People Jokes Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0209:02, 25 June 2025 Unusual kitchen (hist | edit) [188 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0109:01, 25 June 2025 Death and taxes and something new (hist | edit) [233 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
- 09:0009:00, 25 June 2025 Mind like a lightning (hist | edit) [195 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 12 Feb 2001 From: gwen@CE.UDEL.EDU / Gwen Meehan </pre> My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone. Category:Jokes from 2001 Category:Short Jokes")
7 June 2025
- 20:5420:54, 7 June 2025 Vodka and Carrot Juice (hist | edit) [321 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 8 Feb 1999 From: raghitescu@PCNET.PCNET.RO / Filip Razvan Ghitescu </pre> The Annual Bartender's Conference has just voted the cocktail of the year: Vodka and Carrot Juice. The main argument was that when you get drunk at least you can see better. Category:Jokes from 1999 Category:Short Jokes")