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19 April 2025

18 April 2025

  • 17:5917:59, 18 April 2025 Idiots of the Year (hist | edit) [4,459 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2001 From: Dave Gawlik / ddave@ddave.com </pre> <b>Idiot #1</b><br> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention th...")
  • 17:5317:53, 18 April 2025 More Thin Books (hist | edit) [1,056 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2001 From: Dave Gawlik / ddave@ddave.com </pre> <ol> <li value=18>BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno <li value=17>HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL by Dan Marino <li value=16>THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton <li value=15>THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD by Bill Gates <li value=14>THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY - by Dennis Rodman <li value=13>THE WILD YEARS - by Al Gore <li value=12>AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN <li value=11>AMERICA'S MOST POP...")

5 April 2025

  • 01:5101:51, 5 April 2025 Female Software Engineers (FSE) (hist | edit) [1,511 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 From: Chalapathi Rao Poduri / chaps@TC4HQ.CMCLTD.COM </pre> Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.) <ol> <li>The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa. <p> <li>The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married. <p> <li>An FSE will always ask a doubt to...")
  • 01:4301:43, 5 April 2025 "Style Invitational" and totally new words (hist | edit) [1,770 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Wed, 11 Nov 1998 From: Steve and Cindy / atlas@EZNET.NET </pre> The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. <ul> <li><b>Foreploy:</b><br>any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. <p><li><b>Doltergeist:</b><br>a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. <p><li><b>Gi...")

4 April 2025

  • 22:3522:35, 4 April 2025 What your hairdresser really means (hist | edit) [801 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Thu, 13 Jul 1995 From: Phil / P.J.Crapper@SHU.AC.UK </pre> (Hairdresser) - "I haven't seen you for ages."<br> (They mean) - "You've been going to another hairdresser." <p> (Hairdresser) - "It's got long hasn't it?"<br> (They mean) - "I'm on fairly safe grounds here." <p> (Hairdresser) - "What kind of shampoo are you using?"<br> (They mean) - "There must be some explanation for the state of your hair." <p> (Hairdresser) - "I can't afford a holiday this year."...")

2 April 2025

  • 00:0500:05, 2 April 2025 Snoring person in the hotel (hist | edit) [1,017 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Wed, 10 Sep 1997 From: Rainybow / wett@COMMUNIQUE.NET </pre> By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'...")
  • 00:0100:01, 2 April 2025 Lets not get too involved (hist | edit) [504 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sat, 17 Aug 1996 From: John M. Scheer / jscheer@EROLS.COM </pre> A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution. "Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Why don't we offer them ham and eggs?" "Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment." Category:Jokes from 199...")

1 April 2025

  • 23:5623:56, 1 April 2025 Did you hear about ... (hist | edit) [1,034 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 08 Aug 1995 From: Bill Lacewell / blacewel@SYSTEMA.WESTARK.EDU </pre> So... Did you hear about ... ... the fellow in his late 40's who bought himself a dazzling, bright-red LeBaron convertible? He referred to it as his mid-life Chrysler. ... the magician and his wife who got divorced? It was all very friendly, until she said she wanted everything divided in half. ... the latest revival of "Guys and Dolls"? It's a politically correct version called "L...")
  • 23:4723:47, 1 April 2025 Short gardening jokes (hist | edit) [541 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Thu, 23 May 1996 From: D S Paull / dljbs@JUNO.COM </pre> When a man is described as having a green thumb, it doesn't necessarily mean he's a great gardener. It could also mean he's a rotten painter! <hr> If you cross a rambling rose with a pansy, you get a rose that still rambles, but it also skips! <hr> He must be a good gardener. He and his plants are both potted! <hr> There was a man who flunked tree-doctor school. He fainted at the sight of sap! Category:Jo...")
  • 23:4323:43, 1 April 2025 Bad witness in court (hist | edit) [1,453 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 From: Soni Satish * Datavia / SatishSo@TRANSNET.CO.ZA </pre> A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and...")

29 March 2025

  • 23:5923:59, 29 March 2025 Three proofs that Jesus was ... (hist | edit) [1,181 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sun, 13 Apr 1997 From: Aditya, the Hindu Skeptic / aditya@SMART1.NET </pre> Three proofs Jesus was jewish: <ol> <li>He went into his father's business. <li>He lived at home until the age of 33. <li>He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was god. </ol> Three proofs Jesus was irish: <ol> <li>He never got married. <li>He never held a steady job. <li>His last request was for a drink. </ol> Three proofs Jesus was Puerto Rican: <ol> <li>Hi...")
  • 22:0522:05, 29 March 2025 Top ten signs your kid is a wizard (hist | edit) [878 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sat, 17 Nov 2001 From: Rollo Tomasi / rollotomasi718@YAHOO.COM </pre> <ol> <li value=10>When he enters a room there is a burst of purple smoke <li value=9>You say, "Do you think that lawn is gonna mow itself?" But then it does <li value=8>Your child gets busted shoplifting a newt <li value=7>Can turn lead into gold, but he can't remember to take out the trash - am I right, parents? <li value=6>He wears shiny red satin robes - and you're just praying he's a w...")
  • 17:5917:59, 29 March 2025 3 men hired - Polish, black and chinese man (hist | edit) [1,327 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Mon, 04 Oct 1993 From: Lynne Seamans / LSEAMANS@MU3.MILLERSV.EDU </pre> One day this factory foreman hired 3 guys - a Polish fellow named 'Stosh', a black guy named 'Calvin' and a Chinese man named 'Ling'. When it came to handing out work assignments, he said "Stosh, you take care of that machine over there. Make sure it has proper materials going it at all times and inspect each finished piece coming out". Handing Calvin a broom, he said "Calvin, make sur...")
  • 17:2317:23, 29 March 2025 University entrance exam - football player version (hist | edit) [2,442 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 From: Jeffrey C Gerard / thepiman@JUNO.COM </pre> Time Limit: 3 weeks <ol> <p>  <li>Foreign Language: What Language is spoken in France? <p>  <li>History: Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law, and social conditions<br> -OR-<br> Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. <p>  <li>Literature: Would you ask William Shakespeare to<br> (a) build a bridge<br> (b)...")
  • 12:4512:45, 29 March 2025 Drunk irishman keeps falling on his face (hist | edit) [1,129 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 From: SueS7 / SueS7@AOL.COM </pre> An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when h...")
  • 12:4112:41, 29 March 2025 3 men men stranded on a deserted island (hist | edit) [1,355 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 12 Dec 1995 From: James Tully / James_Tully_at_CGS@COMVERSE.COM </pre> There are three men stranded on a deserted island (hmm sounds familiar). One is Italian, one is Irish and the other Polish. They have been on the Island for close to six months and have developed a great rapport with one another and become the best of friends. One day they are searching the shore for a sign of passing boats when they come across a bottle. When the Italian rubs the...")
  • 03:0503:05, 29 March 2025 Southern computer lingo (hist | edit) [782 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2000 From: Terry Galan / galante@MCMAIL.CIS.MCMASTER.CA </pre> <b>Hard Drive:</b> Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and a trailer load of fertiliser. <b>Keyboard:</b> Place to hang your truck keys. <b>Window:</b> Place in your truck to hang your guns <b>Modem:</b> How you got rid of your dandelions <b>Reboot:</b> What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff <b>Mouse:</b> Soft, fuzzy thing that you stuf...")
  • 02:5702:57, 29 March 2025 Italian man lost his wife (hist | edit) [789 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Thu, 09 Nov 2000 From: Maurizio Mariotti / mariotti@VENTURENET.CO.ZA </pre> One day, an old Italian couple arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native town, and it wasn't long before the wife got lost. The Italian husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked for his wife's description. "What's that?" asked the Italian. "Well, you see, a 'description' i...")
  • 02:5302:53, 29 March 2025 Stupid Newspaper Headines (hist | edit) [1,479 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 03 May 1996 From: Rhiannon Walker / rhiannon@COUGAR.MULTILINE.COM.AU </pre> <ul> <li>Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says <li>Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers <li>Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted <li>Drunk gets nine months in violin case <li>Survivor of siamese twins joins parents <li>Farmer Bill dies in house <li>Iraqi head seeks arms <li>Is there a ring of debris around Uranus? <li>Stud tires out <li>Pro...")
  • 02:4802:48, 29 March 2025 Who are the Best Patients? (hist | edit) [753 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre>Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 From: JokeCenter.com </pre> Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on: The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best, everything inside them is in alphabe...")
  • 02:3502:35, 29 March 2025 Choose your hell (hist | edit) [1,406 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 6 May 1994 From: Samy Saad Montasser / em028@ISA.CC.UOB.BH </pre> A man died and went to hell. There he was recived by the director angel of hell. The angel asked him "Are you from the first, second, or third world?". The man said "I am from the free world". The angel said "Go to department number 1". He went there were he saw another angel. The angel said "Since this part of hell is for the free domacratic world you have the choice for the way you a...")
  • 02:3102:31, 29 March 2025 The Real Programmer's At Work (hist | edit) [1,404 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 2 Jan, 1998 From: William Conway / via gcfl.net </pre> The Real Programmer is capable of working 30, 40, even 50 hours at a stretch, under intense pressure. In fact, he prefers it that way. Bad response time doesn't bother the Real Programmer - it gives him a chance to catch a little sleep between compiles. If there is not enough schedule pressure on the Real Programmer, he tends to make things more challenging by working on some small but interesting...")

26 March 2025

23 March 2025

  • 20:5620:56, 23 March 2025 A Bronze Rat (hist | edit) [2,152 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sent Wednesday, August 13, 2003 Received from Joke du Jour / via: gcfl.net </pre> A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the st...")

22 March 2025

  • 00:3700:37, 22 March 2025 Fathers of 1900s and fathers of today (hist | edit) [1,855 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Sent Friday, June 13, 2003 Received from andychaps_the-funnies / via: gcfl.net </pre> In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. - In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home. - In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a fat...")

21 March 2025

  • 02:1402:14, 21 March 2025 An accountant dies and goes to Heaven (hist | edit) [693 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. "What sort of accountant are you?" says St Peter. "I work in private practice," is the reply. "Name?" He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out. "Oh, yes. We've been expecting you. You've reached your allotted span," says St Peter. "How can that be?" says the accountant. "I'm too young to go. I'm only forty-eight" "No, that's impossibl...")

20 March 2025

19 March 2025

  • 02:0902:09, 19 March 2025 A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon (hist | edit) [798 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "Date: Sat, 9 Jul 1994 19:30 From: markp@microsoft.com (Mark Pennington) Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny <i>Not an original joke, but forwarded to me by my friend Mike who had it forwarded to him, etc.</i> A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his s...")

18 March 2025

  • 01:4701:47, 18 March 2025 Looking for Chief Financial Officer (hist | edit) [789 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "An accountant from Cork applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candidates and he is called in for an interview. They ask him a number of questions and one of the panel suddenly says "What is nine multiplied by four?" He thinks quickly and says "Thirty five." When the interview is over he goes outside, takes out his calculator and finds the correct answer is not thirty five. He thinks “Well, I blew that” and goes home very disappo...")
  • 01:4501:45, 18 March 2025 How much is 2 plus 2? (hist | edit) [1,011 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "There once was a business owner who was interviewing people for a divisional manager position. He decided to select the individual that could answer the question: "How much is 2+2?". The journalist answered "22 period". The social worker said "I don’t know the answer but I’m glad you have raised this important question". The engineer pulled out his slide rule and shuffled it back and forth, and finally announced "It lies between 3.98 and 4.02". The mathematician...")
  • 01:4201:42, 18 March 2025 What does CPA stand for? (hist | edit) [327 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "An irish accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, "Do you know what I do?" "Daddy says you’re a CPA." "That’s right. Did he tell you what CPA stands for?" "Well, he says you’re a complete pain in the arse." Category:Ethnic Jokes Category:Finance Jokes Category:Irish Jokes")
  • 01:4001:40, 18 March 2025 Martian invader about to destroy Dublin (hist | edit) [438 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn in Dublin. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant." Category:Ethnic Jokes Category:Finance Jokes Category:Irish Jokes")

17 March 2025

  • 02:5202:52, 17 March 2025 A Lost Transcript from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (hist | edit) [4,654 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre> Date: Fri, 1 Jul 1994 19:35 From: nathan@hal.com (Nathan Hoover) Subject: A Lost Transcript from "Star Trek: The Next Generation" </pre> Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?" Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." Geordi presses a key, an...")

16 March 2025

  • 01:0001:00, 16 March 2025 The First Parent (hist | edit) [1,180 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to his kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. The first thing God said to them was: "Don't!" "Don't what?" Adam asked. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," said God. "Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?" Adam and Eve asked, jumping up and down excitedly. "It's over there," said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after maki...")
  • 00:5300:53, 16 March 2025 Dead minister at the gates of heaven (hist | edit) [547 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "A renowned and very well respected minister died. A short time later, another equally respected colleague died, and found himself on the stairway to Heaven. He was given a bag of chalk and told to write, one on each step, of the sins he had committed. After many hundred of steps he noticed his predecessor was waliking dowh the stairs. Enquiringly he asked "Have you finished and have now been permitted to Enter the Kingdom?" The reply was "No, I am on my way down for s...")
  • 00:0500:05, 16 March 2025 Two teachers breaking up (hist | edit) [140 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "Question: Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? Answer: Because there was no chemistry. Category:People Jokes")

15 March 2025

14 March 2025

  • 01:2101:21, 14 March 2025 The King in outer space (hist | edit) [1,290 bytes] Joker (talk | contribs) (Created page with "<pre>Date: Mon, 27 Aug 1990 12:36 From: bostic@okeeffe.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic) Subject: The King in outer space </pre> ELVIS IN FREE FALL Some clever devil worked up a chart showing how much ELVIS PRESLEY would weigh at various sites in the solar system. The King tipped the scales at 255 when he died and, according to this chart, this means he would weigh about: <pre> 7,140 pounds on the Sun 97 pounds on Mercury or Mars 232 pounds on Venus or Uranus 43...")

11 March 2025

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